"Where thou art – that – is Home." - Emily Dickinson
Mr. Livings and I speak of this all the time together, smiling and holding each other close: that home for we is not a place but is each other and the two of us together - we each are the other's home (and "one") and have been so across eternity - two souls one across time, which the longer we both live we get the sense is a very rare thing to happen and to find, and such a precious, precious blessing and gift. We don't know how we got so lucky. It is something we have both known with absolute certainty since the very beginning of refinding each other this time and being together again - Mr. Livings spoke of it first - and that refinding was the most powerful and incredible feeling and sensation in the world, impossible to an outsider to describe (how do you describe a color unlike any other seen, a flavor unlike that which another has ever tasted that has no comparison - how do you explain gravity to one from another planet who has never experienced it? - impossible. All of the words fail. Those of you out there, and you are out there, who have both found your eternal "one" - you know exactly what we mean. It is an experience and a love unlike any other), though we held this knowledge close to us, especially at the beginning, between just the two of us for a long time, not really sharing it with almost anybody for it was so precious to us. Precious and so powerful and amazing. And so real and so powerfully true - such forces, such truths, need not any other's knowledge of, or belief. They simply be. What is true is simply true. And it's amazing. We both speak often even now of how we feel so lucky we found each other so young this time (versus if it had been decades from now), almost ten years ago now, though wish it could have been even earlier like when we were really, really young (as in Mr. Livings' wish) as kids (like, pictured below, if we could have played in the fall leaves together when we were young. Mr. Livings likes to say how he, four years old when I was born, would have come up to me in my crib as a baby and said, "I
LOVE YOU! Will you marry me?" and we'd have held hands through this whole life. "I would have loved you SO much at every age," he says to me often and smiles - in love together as teens, and in our twenties together, and forever on - wishing that there never was a time before we again were we this time or any time. Mr Livings speaks often of how much he wishes this. And if we can choose, we both say often, we'd choose for this to be the last time we ever come back, to have this time be the last time returning, to then always be together as souls and never have to feel the feeling of being apart again. To never have to know or live the feeling of before or have that time apart before refinding. If we can, we often say, we will never come back again - this will be the very last time. The refinding each other and our life together thereafter is amazing, Mr. Livings says, but once you refind your "one" you see just how truly unliving is the only word to describe all the time before your "one." And you just don't want to do that or live that ever again. He spoke too of that unliving that felt his life before me in a line of his wedding vows he wrote to me and spoke aloud to me, as we wed for eternity. There is no and there was no "until death do us part" in our vows. Just eternity. As we simply be, have been, shall ever be. For Mr. Livings, he has so often said over the years that every single thing and every single event and every single moment and every single person of his life before me were all there as part of his path to lead to me - all for that single reason and all towards that motion. He says, "all things led me here." "I felt you my entire life," he says, "before finding you, and so many times before you would tell myself and try to convince myself, 'this is just what life is - this is all life is, to settle is just the way of living,' and then just try to forget, but I missed you, though kept this close and quiet inside, and saved so much of myself, all the best parts of myself, and my heart - my true, whole heart - for you and only you. I danced every dance, metaphorically, upon just one leg when I danced, keeping the other leg behind me to never give, and all my actions done, were done, metaphorically, with just one arm - the other arm held back purposefully behind my back, and my heart held back too, all the essential things of who and what I am that were and are meant for you and only you, my love, my heart, for eternity. You, who alone have truly fully had I and forever have. For all time I am yours." These are the words of my love, spoken so often over the years.
Who knows, we say, if there is a choice or not, in this, to return again or not, if this could be the last time we come back or if we forever keep coming back, returning and searching and refinding us again each time, but if there is a choice at all we will choose this time for this to be our last time in these forms or any other forms, and after this to just be souls together, never apart again, forever, for eternity, as shall ever be and has ever been. But for now, we are just fully present in this life together and for each other - enjoying every minute, and knowing that in this life together, there will never be enough time (as we wrote also about in A Living Love Story, one of our earliest posts, of this love that spans time). It's all just so incredibly amazing, and we both feel so truly, deeply blessed. Just about every day, and I am not exaggerating, whether we are walking together or talking together or doing something and everything we do together, Mr. Livings stops and looks me in the eyes and smiles and says, "How did I get so lucky? I am the luckiest!" Every time I say in reply, "we BOTH got so lucky. We both found our one." Every day we both are so grateful and thankful.
We've spoken about these things together and known these things together since the beginning, but it was meaningful, for several years into our marriage, many years ago now, Mr. Livings was reading Plato's The Symposium for the first time, and came across some passages that very much mirrored our own experience as two souls truly one and of this love through time. Mr. Livings even created some art, titled, Symposium, a series of five works, drawn of human forms not livings (he creates more art of the human while my work is of the Living). Here are two of the pieces together side by side, created about eight years ago now:
He also shared some of the quotes from The Symposium out loud with me at the time, as his eyes teared. "This is like us," he said. "This is us."
Here are just a few of those quotes below:
“...and when one of them meets the other half, the actual half of himself…the pair are lost in an amazement of love and friendship and intimacy and one will not be out of the other's sight, as I may say, even for a moment...”
― Plato, The Symposium
“According to Greek mythology, humans were originally created with four arms, four legs and a head with two faces. Fearing their power, Zeus split them into two separate parts, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves.”
― Plato, The Symposium
So why I am writing about these things right now? It is because Mr. Livings and I have been talking again about these things recently, as we have been, so excitedly, planning our nine year wedding anniversary we'll be celebrating this month. This will mark nine years of marriage and almost ten years together, and we're both so excited. We still haven't quite decided what we are going to do to celebrate, but whatever we decide we know will be just wonderful.
As was our wedding day, pictured below:
I love you, my love! (Mr. Livings is my biggest fan on here - he reads each and every post so proudly)...
Home is us is eternity.